The Truth Of Being An Asian Guy That Can Date White Girls

Posted on December 18, 2011 by Prince

If you’re an asian guy, make sure that you’ve read our Dating Transformation Series prior to reading this article.   You need to know how to walk before you can run.

A seemingly perpetual question I see among Asian guys is: ”Can an Asian guy date white girls?”

Cutting straight to the point, the answer is: OF COURSE we can date white girls!  The ability for an Asian guy to date white girls is not a myth at all.

I used to think I could never get white girls, even though I was really attracted to them and they were the only girls I wanted to date at the time.  I remember the days when I looked at them the same way I would look at my favorite Ferrari model.  In other words, a dream that I could NEVER have.

Despite my messed up beliefs on Asian guys dating white girls, I didn’t have much of a choice, so I decided to dedicate all my time and energy to do whatever it takes to get white girls.

I was desperate enough to try literally everything from posting up classifieds on Craigslist, to approaching random girls on the street.  It would fill an entire book to go into the details of what I tried and how I figured this out, so I will leave that for another time… but the end result was that I debunked the myth that Asian guys couldn’t date white girls.

If you are still asking yourself whether or not you can do the same, stop asking and start focusing on “how” instead, because that’s the real question you need to be asking yourself.

The fundamentals in dating are universal; if you are good with girls you will be good with any particular sub-group of girls as well.  Knowing this though, there are still a few race-specific elements I learned while I was trying to figure out how to date white girls as an Asian guy.

1. Some white girls never date Asian guys

You might not like to hear this but let’s face it:  there are some white girls who’d never date Asian guys because of their race.  They are not necessarily racists, everybody has preferences, and you may even have a racial preference in dating too.  The good news is that the majority of white girls do not feel this way.

If you meet a girl who is not interested in you, don’t drive yourself crazy or waste your time trying to figure out if she is a racist that is just hating on your race.  You’ll never figure it out and you’ll just end up derailing your own happiness.  Just move on and meet other girls.

asian guy

2. There are white girls that are into Asian guys

In contrast to #1, there ARE a few white girls who have a preference in dating Asian guys.  It is harder to find these girls and it doesn’t mean she’d date you even if you meet one, but it’s definitely easier to date this type of girls.

3. Most white girls don’t have any opportunities to meet an Asian guy

The majority of white girls that I’ve dated said they had never dated an Asian guy before.  I asked them why and they said they had never even thought about it because they rarely meet Asian guys.

One girl said that Asian guys were virtually invisible to her until she met me and started dating me.  Why is this?  It’s simple.  How many Asian guys do you know that have the confidence to go up and seduce a white girl?  It’s no wonder that white girls are not used to dating Asians.  Most of my other Asian guy friends also have the same experience when they hook up with new white girls.  Most have never dated an Asian before because none has ever even went up to talk to her before.

4. Many white girls don’t really care about the race, if the guy is cool

Girls agree: guys they meet are all the same if they’re cool, and commented that they liked me because I was chill and different from other guys.  They said that me being Asian didn’t have much to do with their decision making process.

From my experience, the race thing is just another factor like looks or personality.  In other words, it’s not THE deciding factor.  I date more white girls than most of my caucasian guy friends.  I’m not particularly good looking, rich, famous, or anything else.  Dare to put yourself out there with the principles from the Dating Transformation Series and see what happens.

Statistically Speaking

If you look strictly at statistics, they will say that Asian guys are not preferred by white girls.  We already mentioned above that part of the reason for this grossly incorrect statistic is the lack of men that are adept enough to go out and meet white girls.  If the African-American community took statistics as reality, do you really think there could be the possibility of a black president?  Stats are just stats.  By definition, they apply to the majority of the population.  YOU are not the majority of the Asian population.  By reading this, it means you are interested in making yourself an anomaly, a person who defies statistics because he paves his own path.  You wouldn’t stop yourself from applying for a job because the statistics were against you, and you wouldn’t stop playing sports just because statistics say that Asian americans don’t make as superior athletes.  Don’t let numbers dictate your life.

It’s only as bad as you make it.  It is unquestionable that Asian guys can date white girls, so focus on “how to get them” instead as I said earlier.

The race factor might make it harder for you in the beginning, but if you are willing to work hard, I can guarantee that you can overcome the minor obstacles and date white girls.

The “How” in how to date white girls as an Asian guy is coming up in the upcoming article, so stay tuned.

Posted in Dating & Sex | Tagged , , , , , | 9 Comments

The Art Of Pulling the Trigger

Posted on December 18, 2011 by Hilt

Dating Transformation Series: Part 3 of 3

If you haven’t already, read Part 2 of the Dating Transformation Series.

“His team down by 1, with 6 seconds left, the ball is in Lin’s hands, he fakes left, spins right, goes to shoot… and he– …doesn’t do a thing?  Wow that was quite disappointing, I can’t quite believe that he didn’t even try to shoot it. 

And that’s the buzzer.  I guess they lose.  What an anticlimactic way to end the game.  Sorry folks”

When I was a kid, I used to dream of hitting the game winning shot in basketball all the time.  When I’d be messing around on the court as a kid too young to play, all I would shoot over and over was that last-second clutch shot.  I’d really get deep into it and imagine the thrill of doing it, the adrenaline coursing through my body, the crowd going crazy, and the awesomeness of that moment.  It goes as no surprise that when I was put in that situation as a teenager, I often succeeded.

Being quite observant, I also began to realize that most of my teammates would choke when put in the same situation.  They would routinely miss shots that they would normally make 95/100 times in their sleep.  This couldn’t be pure coincidence.

While I grew up idolizing Michael Jordan and other basketball stars that helped me discover the thrill of being in a decisive moment on the basketball court, I didn’t have any of these same type of role models when it came to showtime with seducing women.

Naturally, when it came time to make a play on a girl or to make a move on her, I was just as helpless as my teammates who choked when the game was on the line.  I don’t think there’s a worse feeling in the world than the feeling of being unable to do anything when you have a beautiful girl in front of you that you know you could get if you conquered your fear.

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt that feeling of helplessness.

And by the conclusion of this article, you will no longer experience the feeling either.

Let’s get started.

One-Two-Three Punch

In part one of the Dating Transformation Series, you learned that you need to properly align your goals and pursue them relentlessly until you either accomplish them or you die.

In part two of the Dating Transformation Series, you learned that the way you see the world makes the task you set out to do exponentially harder to do or exponentially easier to do.

If you take a man with these two characteristics, you see a person who is dedicated beyond all belief and is willing to die to see his goals come to life.  He also has trained himself to have the mental ability to focus only on what makes him happy.  This sets him up for learning the last skill required for success, and that is becoming comfortable with taking the few actions that lead directly to success with women.

Why are the first two skills/traits necessary?  Make no mistake about it: acting on these actions that directly lead to success with women is an inherently difficult and unpleasant task to undertake.  There’s no beating around the bush for this… take a good look around and see how many guys there are who are wildly successful with women.  If it were all fun and games to acquire the skill of being comfortable with taking action with women, then every guy would be a pimp.  The truth is all around you.  For the most part: men suck with women, and the reason they suck is because they are unable to take the actions necessary in order to have direct success with women.

But just as you learned how to walk, and just like you most likely have learned how to drive, you already have what it takes to learn a skill that absolutely frightens you when you first start.
To help this process, I am going to break the process of taking action with women down into the most specific, basic, simple, and actionable steps so you learn it as fast as humanly possible.

And once you learn it, your dating life with women will never be the same again.

The Devil’s In The Details

No matter where you are in the seduction process with a girl, everything starts from knowing what you want to accomplish.

The only way to get what you want is to picture your goals in terms of what you want instead of what you’re scared of.

Most of the time guys go out and then just flounder about.  Now these guys know logically in the back of the mind that they should talk to a girl, but then they never do.  They wonder why nothing ever happens and then eventually they rationalize their ineptitude as some sort of deficiency that they were born with.

Obviously this couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Here is the main reason for a failure in taking action — your brain NEEDS an extremely specific goal or task in order to go about executing it.  Let me give you an example:

You cannot complete a task labeled “I should go talk to a girl“.  Why not?  There’s absolutely no specificity on what exactly to do.  There’s no who, what, where, when, or why.  You end up procrastinating with option paralysis while you think up more questions like:

“Which girl?”
“What am I supposed to do or say?”
“I can always go talk to her later, why go now?”
“Is she really cute enough to be worth risking rejection and ego?”
“Why should I talk to her specifically?”
“Well I’m not already talking to a girl, why start now?”
“Why am I so nervous around women?”

This example has tons of uncertainty, starting with using a weak word like “should”. (which is really a synonym that you will actually NOT be taking action)

On the other hand, you CAN execute a task labeled “I am going to go over and say hi to the first girl that I see when I enter a venue, regardless of how she looks or who she’s with.“  This thought leaves no room for questions.  Whether you actually follow through on taking action is another matter, but you know the exact answers to all five metrics right away.

  • Who – First girl I see
  • What – Go over and say hi to her.  I’m free to leave right after
  • When – As soon as I enter the venue
  • Where – Wherever the first girl I see is standing
  • Why – Because I want to learn to take direct action that leads to success with women

 

The Right Move

Now that you know exactly what you need to do, all you have left to do is to properly plan for contingencies (I’ll give you a hint, there’s only two), and then take action.

There’s really only two things that CAN happen from making a move that will directly lead to you getting laid.  Either she will go along with your move and you will two steps closer to your goal, or she will resist and you will only take one step forward.

Yes that’s right, most women like to resist a little bit even if they like you.  That’s why it’s so paramount that you know what you need to do with full clarity and intent.  Even if she resists, you’ve succeeded.  I’ll go into much more detail about each step in the sections below, but know that as long as you took action (even if you did it pathetically or scared as hell), you’ve moved at least one step closer to making it inevitable that she is going to sleep with you.

The right move is always just making a move.  It ALWAYS gets you closer to seducing a woman.  That is not a random blanket statement or generalization.  Literally EVERY time you make a move, it will lead you closer to seducing a woman regardless of if she accepts it or not.

The Three-Headed Fear Hydra

Broken down into its most atomic elements, each seduction MUST have these 3 critical elements.  These elements are:

  • Initiate contact/conversation with her
  • Show her physically that you are sexually interested in her
  • Get her aroused enough to have sex with you and then go somewhere where you can have her

You can expand on each, but if you distill each successful seduction into its most simplistic form, these three things are always there.  As such, these three items should be your only goals in an interaction with a girl.

Let’s be give specific examples of what each of these three mean in an environment where you can practice it rapidly: (bar, club, lounge, etc.)

Until the first step is taken, she doesn’t even know you exist.  The first step ends when you’ve let her know you exist.  This can be done by tapping her, walking up and talking to her, grabbing her and pulling her in, or hell even spilling your drink on her to get her attention.  Now she knows that you exist.  Until she knows that, nothing will ever happen.
Talking, joking, showing her you’re cool is all fine and dandy, but the only thing that matters after step one is to show her physically that you are sexually interested in her.  The simplest way to do this is by kissing her passionately… and yes that means no kiss on the cheek or some other friend zone move.  Nothing takes the place of making a physical move to show her you want her sexually — you can grind up on her all night thinking you’re getting somewhere or make corny lines about how fine she looks or randomly use excuses to touch her.  All of those will amount to a grand total of nothing because they don’t send the clear message that you want her sexually.  It ensures that you go home alone to rub one out in shame.
I’m sure you’ve seen dudes make out with girls in a bar.  These guys look like pimps but the truth of the matter is that they too usually go home and pitifully rub one out.  The reason is because they got comfortable with just kissing her and didn’t relentlessly try to have sex with the girl.  When you do this, it’s like an endless stream of sex thrown at her, and a guy who is totally comfortable trying to pull her into the bathroom, who randomly grabs her hand and puts it on his dick, who doesn’t mind hearing “no” 20 times before he ends up taking her home is the one that is going to reap all the rewards.

Slaying the Hydra

You are always going to feel fear when approached by one of the hydra’s heads.  Maintain your composure though, and all three heads will ALWAYS fall.

It’s really quite simple though when you break it down.  Taking action always leads to a binary result.  Either she is going to go along with it, or she’s not.  There’s no super crazy complex scenarios that happen.  This frees you into either repeating the action again a little bit later, or just finding a new girl.

Start from the conversation.  There’s only two things that will happen from you going up to a girl and talking to her.  She will either be receptive, or she will not.

There’s only two responses she can give you.  Most guys who look scared as hell to talk to a girl act as if a billion things could happen.  It’s as if talking to the girl could result in the sun exploding or the ground swallowing up or the whole world laughing at them.  No, quite literally there are only two things that can happen.  She will either be OK with talking to you, or she will not.  No other possibilities.  Following this, the first head is dead.

Let’s move on and assume you’ve found a girl who is fine with talking to you.  Now you know you have another action to take.  You must physically show her you want her sexually.  The simplest way to do that is to kiss her.  Sure you can talk and laugh and giggle and try to look cool or whatever in the meantime, but this critical threshold must be crossed.  It’s quite simple once again.  When you pull her in to kiss her, she will either go along with it or she will try to prevent you from doing so.

Either way you’ve succeeded.  Even if she resists or rejects you, you’ve showed her you want her sexually, and now you can freely talk to her for a few more minutes before repeating the same action again.  And don’t worry about being some sort of rapist, no girl is going to stick around with a guy who repeatedly tries to make a move on her if she doesn’t find him attractive.  Remember that.  Kill some time, talk to her some more, and then make a move again in a few minutes.  Simple.

Doing this makes her realize that she is not going to be able to just tool you and play hard to get while getting affection and drinks from you.   She will see that you are the real deal, that you take action, and then seriously consider the prospect of sex with you.  And just like that, the second head gets lopped off and the hydra only has one head left.

As soon as she kisses you back, you know that the last step you have to do is to get her aroused enough to go to a place where you guys can have sex.  The same binary approach is applicable here once again.  She is either going to resist your attempts to pull her into a bathroom or she’s going to let you.  She’ll either jerk her hand back when you guide it into your pants or she will go along with it.  She will either forcefully stop you from dragging her out of the venue or she is going to just go along with it.

This is the result of having studied multiple schools of seduction, talking to over 20,000 women, sleeping with over a thousand of them.  It is the core of what seduction is about and it is the most potent methodology there is in seducing women.  There’s no longer any mystery in what’s going to happen.  If a girl stays with you, she is going to have sex with you that night.  There is no other outcome possible.  You always know exactly what you need to do at all times.  You know exactly what is going to happen when you make those moves.  There is no uncertainty or anything else.  The entire complex dynamic of seduction has been condensed into this process of slaying the fear hydra.

The Real Meaning Of Words

 

Weird.  Creepy.  Pervert.

This has to be the biggest joke in the history of the written language.  The real context of these words is really just her relationship of how she feels about you at the moment.

No more, no less — her mental gauge of you right now.  Most guys are horrified and will do anything to avoid being called weird, creepy, or worst of all a pervert.  Once again, let’s use examples to illustrate the true nature of these words:

Weird - If a girl found a man to be really attractive, she would label him as a cool guy who is interesting and be excited and eager to talk to him.  If the same exact dude talks to her friend who doesn’t find him “attractive”, he would be labeled “Weird.”  Which is he?  Obviously these hilarious judgements on us are more jokes than anything real.

Creepy - If the same man she found attractive goes and kisses her in the first 2 minutes of speaking, he’s labelled as a hot guy who is passionate.  Her same friend who didn’t find him attractive, would crucify him as a “Creepy” dude for making a move on her when she wasn’t into him.

Perverted - Finally, if the same attractive guy put his hand up a girl’s skirt and started playing with her, she’d be in a hurry to get out of there and have sex with him.  Her friend who isn’t interested in him like that will just test him and call him “perverted.”

Start seeing these words for what they are — just indicators of how she feels about you at the moment.  How she feels about you can change from bad to good or vice versa in the blink of an eye.  These words aren’t some judgement on you or a defining trait of who you are.  No one is going to brand “pervert” onto your forehead.  Next time you catch yourself not wanting to risk being weird, creepy, or perverted… remember that the words and concepts themselves are just a joke.

Synergy

Synergy between all the things you learned in this 3-part Dating Transformation Series will ensure that you get the maximum results possible.

Before you do a thing, the first trait will help you identify and articulate EXACTLY what you need to do with each girl at each step of the seduction.

When you are talking to a girl and actively trying to seduce her, the second trait of passion will let you repeatedly take her token resistance as a joke and make it into the fun game it actually is. You know she’s into you by the fact that she’s still hanging around you.  Combine passion with action and help her get over her shyness with your persistence.  This far outweighs the alternative, which is to look at yourself like some sort of rapist that’s forcing himself on her and that she’s going to call the cops on you for being a pervert.

To Infinity And Beyond (Action Plan)

At this point, if you’ve been practicing the action plan in Part 2 of the Dating Transformation Series on passion, you should be able to excite yourself enough to talk to women on a regular basis.  Continue going out and making it a goal to talk to at least one woman a day.

This action plan and the philosophy described in this article is designed to be practiced at a bar or club, where there will be many women.  This is the shortest path to learning the mindset of a seducer.  It is only after you achieve this mindset that you should consider which parts are working well for you and which are not.  Until then, follow these rules to the letter.  They’re designed to give you the most accelerated path to thinking and acting as a seducer.

These are the steps you will be taking with each and every girl when you enter a venue until you find one that will have sex with you:

  1. Pick a girl, infuse passion with your thoughts, and then go and talk to her like you learned in the Part 2 of the Dating Transformation Series.
  2. If she immediately tries to leave, let her go and repeat step 1.  Otherwise, continue talking.
  3. Infuse passion of how good it would feel to kiss her and make her like you.  Then do so within 2 minutes.  She can try to refuse or stop you, it doesn’t matter.  The goal is to just show her you want her sexually.
  4. If she resisted kissing you or refused to outright, but still sticks around, go back to talking to her casually and light-heartedly, then repeat step 3 within 2 minutes again.  If she runs away from you, go back to step 1.
  5. When she complies and kisses you back, it’s time to arouse her.  Get way more sexual with your touching.  If she stops you, back away for a second then do it again in a few minutes.  Do crazy stuff.  Grab her hand and put it on your dick through your pants.  Blame her for how turned on you are.  Try to pull her into a bathroom.  All action stems from the passion of wanting her.  Try to lead her out the venue.  If she refuses any of these, juts back away briefly and then resume it again.  Business as usual.
  6. This continues until you either pull her someone to have sex with her, she leaves you, or you get tired of dealing with her.  There is no other alternative.

If you can execute this action plan, your journey to dating and having sex with more hot girls than you ever dreamed possible will happen for you in less than 1 month.

You now know EVERYTHING you need to seduce all the women you could possibly have.  With this methodology, you are essentially someone who can predict the future.  You know every step, you know exactly what any girl’s reactions can be at each step, and you know what will happen to her unless she runs away from you.

By knowing every little detail of what will happen if you take an action, you have an incredible advantage leading to inevitable success, but your prophecies of the future will remain a dream unless you take action to turn them into reality.

And let me tell you, that reality is far better than any you could have ever dreamed.

Posted in Dating & Sex | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Passion, Action, and You

Posted on December 18, 2011 by Hilt

Dating Transformation Series: Part 2 of 3

If you haven’t already, read Part 1 of the Dating Transformation Series.

Passion.

The word conjures up images of the Renaissance, of famous painters, of cheesy romantic comedies, and generally antiquated concepts that an Asian man shouldn’t touch with a 10 foot stick.   There’s no beating around the bush: ask an Asian dude whether or not he’s living with passion, the results will speak for themselves.

Is it any surprise that we as a race adopt the most stoic and emotionless demeanor?

Is it any wonder then that we default to playing the humble and passive character and then “magically” stay stagnant in life?

Let me redefine passion for you right now, because it is quite possibly the most important mindset change you can make in life.

Passion is excitedly taking action because your whims and desires come from viewing the world with tinted glasses that ONLY show things in terms that reflect what you want in life.

You could say it’s the evolution of the entire “Glass half empty” or “Glass half full” philosophy on life.

The key flaw in traditional positive thinking is that it’s a passive process that you take when the world flings mud and feces at your face.  Even asking if the glass is half full or half empty implies that someone drank half of your drink before you got to try to diffuse your anger by getting philosophical.

What I am advocating for you is a more proactive process of defining everything in your life in terms of what you want.  The key word is active.  Let’s illustrate this with an example:

Objective Situation: You are out on a date with a really hot girl who got introduced to you through friends.  You heard from other friends that she thinks you’re cute.

Regular Response

You arrive nervous as hell, this is quite possibly the hottest girl you’ve ever been out with.  You’re watching your words, you don’t want to screw it up.  You figure she already likes you, so SOMETHING will happen as long as you don’t mess up.  Meanwhile, this “better safe than sorry” attitude has her rapidly changing her impression of you by the minute, and at the end of the night, your lack of action nets you a great big fail hug to thank you for dinner and drinks.  The next day, she laments with her girlfriends about the date and jokes about her horrible taste in picking guys who are actually asexual instead of cute.  Meanwhile, you’ve joined the ranks of guys deluding themselves into thinking they still have a shot with her because of that one thing she said once, despite your own inability to be motivated by her.

The man in this example is only able to focus on the negative things that could happen.  This is where 99% of Asian men are at.  He is inhibited by his fears because the fear of rejection and failure overshadows any promise of glory. Our culture once again does a number in this aspect with the way we’re raised.  Dishonoring your family name, their prestige, your reputation, etc. are among the worst things you could ever do as an Asian, so is it any surprise that we gravitate towards only being able to see potential failure or rejection in a task?

Positive Thinker

You arrive nervous as hell, but you accept that’s reality and make peace with it.  This calms your nerves slightly.  You’re able to converse with her more naturally, and she’s having fun talking to you.  The conversation and vibe is completely asexual, but you’re happy and upbeat, the vibe is great, and you don’t want to do anything to upset that like making a physical move on her.  That could change the whole night from a “success” to a “failure” if she resisted it and it broke the vibe.  You play it safe, the date ends with yet another fail hug, but you go home thinking that you had a wonderful time with her.  She tells her friends that she had fun, but that she just doesn’t think you’re “that” guy anymore.  Welcome, and congratulations on joining the legions of her asexual guy friends.  Privileges of this (not so) exclusive membership include being able to buy her dinner and drinks all the time under the guide of being “a good friend”, while secretly plotting some ultra secret plan of getting her every night like Pinky and the Brain.

The man in this second situation makes the best of the situation.  He understands that he’s already in the situation and it won’t be any better if he’s nervous, so he accepts the fact that he is.  This allows for a much more natural and friendly conversation, but he knows he needs to make a move.  As a positive thinker, he evaluates that it’s more valuable to preserve the current good-vibe of the interaction rather than push for turning the interaction from a friendly context to a sexual one.  He also is simultaneously sealing his fate as one of her platonic guy friends, but he rationalizes that this is a better one than going for sexual deviancy and then not being her friend at all.

Passion-Driven Man

You arrive nervous as hell, but when you first see her, you are mesmerized by how utterly hot she looks in her tight dress.  Instead of having this feeling of being intimidated by her beauty, you relish in it, and focus on thoughts that center around how good it would feel for you to have that.  Drawing on that, you can’t help but tell her excitedly how stunningshe looks tonight.  These aren’t the words of some idiot dude reciting corny and played out pickup lines or trying to flatter her to earn brownie points — these are the words of a man calling things how he sees them; of a man who proudly declares what he sees.  They’re driven by and powered by what you feel inside.  Your thoughts and words are exactly the same.  There is no trace of you being some sort of fake-player clown hollering at her in some exaggerated cat-call fashion because your statement comes from a place where all you feel is that you want her more than any other girl you’ve wanted in life.   You’re no longer thinking about IF you can or not, you’re letting your passion drive you.  There’s no hint of you wanting to impress her, of making her like you, or anything else.  You’ve surrendered to the passion you feel inside when you see her and happily voice it to her.  She blushes and gives you the puppy dog eyes. 

 

As dinner progresses, the vibe and chemistry between you two is sizzling.  She’s loving how unfiltered you are with your passion and desire for her.  The desire you feel inside is short-circuiting your brain and you can barely fend off visions of throwing her on the table and ravaging her on the table in front of the entire restaurant.  Instead of rejecting this urge and desire inside, you channel into the interaction in short, controlled bursts.  As a result, the actual words being spoken by both of you cease to matter, you two are practically having sex with each other with your eyes.
After you get the bill and walk outside, a thought where you know you need to make a move starts creeping into your mind.  With it, you start getting scared that she’ll reject your advances.  Your mind tries to say the date’s gone so well, that you’ve built all this sexual tension and that you can finish the job next time.  You realize this is self-defeating talk and simply choose to ignore it and look at her again through the lens of passion, and what you want to do to her.  Visions of ravaging her fill your thoughts, and they fuel you with a necessity to take action NOW.   You grab her hand, pull her into you, manhandle her mouth into yours, and passionately kiss her.  You hail a cab, jump in it, head back to your place, and have sex with her 7 times that night, breaking furniture and other things in the process. 

 

The next day, her girlfriends ask her why she’s walking bow-legged and she responds by saying that you just gave her the best night of her life and that she’s still shaking from how amazing it was.

The men in the first and second situations are both inhibited by their lack of passion.  Asian men in general have particularly fragile egos, and so it goes to say that even when they make a move, they generally don’t have the tenacity to withstand any disapproval or momentary displeasure.  In other words, generally most Asian guys are too concerned with the negative spectrum of what she thinks of them to act with any kind of effectiveness.

The man in the third example is drawn to take action because of his passion.  This is the ONLY differentiator between the three men.  They all have equal positions, jobs, upbringings, and everything else.  They are, after all, the same person.  The only difference is that the man in the third situation CHOSE to focus on his passion, and you can see that it allowed him to systematically ignore defeating thoughts that would have prevented success.  He didn’t forcefully bend his mind with the willpower of a monk that’s been meditating for 50 years, he simply chose to focus on his desires rather than fears.

Remember this: Passion necessitates action.  They may as well be synonyms for each other.  You cannot have passion without action.  All three versions of these men went as far as their passion took them, and your own passion (or lack thereof) will take you equally as far.

Born This Way

At first glance, it may seem like the third man’s passion-based actions are impossible for you; that focusing on your desires rather than your fear is not something you were born with.  Fortunately, just like anything else, it’s merely a mental muscle that needs to be trained so that you’re used to thinking in this way.  Don’t so quickly dismiss his actions as “not you” just because you’ve never surrendered to your passion before in that context.

I’ll bet that you’re actually a lot closer than you think.  Let me explain — as usual, I’ll use examples to illustrate:

Let’s pretend you were at a Starbucks with only one bathroom, and that it had a line with over 20 people waiting for it.  If you did not need to use the bathroom, fix your hair, or anything, you wouldn’t you wouldn’t even think about cutting the line.  If you knew that you had 2 minutes max before you were going to shit in your pants, you better believe that you would beeline straight for the front of the line, plead your case and apologize for being such a wretched being for cutting such a long line.  You would also then get your way, and that is all your body needs to accomplish at the moment.

As much as you’d like to deny it in that situation and not risk upsetting others, the physical urgency of the situation overrides everything else and infuses you with passion to get in there and use that bathroom at ANY cost before you explode.  Most people cannot normally handle openly screwing over 20+ people who will actively crucify you or be mad at you.  In this situation though, being driven by the passion to not shit your pants allows you to completely disregard their scornful looks and comments.

This is the kind of passion you need in order to have success in life and women.  If what is driving your action isn’t utter passion and desire, your actions (if they happen at all) will have the strength of an ant behind them.

There’s tons of examples of fleeting glimpses of passion that already exist in your life.  Let’s look at porn – I’m sure you’re not exactly strong-armed into being forced to masturbate every time you look at porn.  In fact, I would go one step further and say that you’re driven to flip on the porn out of passion and desire.  As soon as you imagine how good it will feel to do the deed, it’s already over — you know what must happen next.

This actually shouldn’t be a surprise, as it’s already been scientifically proven that the electrical signatures our brain receive for Anticipation and Anxiety are chemically the same.

That’s right – The impulses sent to your brain when you’re waiting outside an Emergency Room not knowing if a loved one is going to survive the surgery are the same ones that are sent when you’re in line at the bank, plotting what you’re about to do with the $100 million dollars you’re about to cash from winning the lottery.

The ONLY determinant of which emotion you experience is the direction of our thoughts.  They determine whether our energy is stolen by negative anxiety or if we become re-energized and revitalized by anticipation.

These are the only two possible options for things we care about; we either surrender to it and embrace Anticipation, or Anxiety comes and puts you into submission.  There is no middle ground here, you have to pick a side.  If you do not make a choice to seek out passion and Anticipation, Anxiety will happily make a decision for you.

Anticipation vs Anxiety.  Passion vs Submission.  This is quite literally the motivating difference between being able to conquer your fears and eliminating the fear of rejection in your mind… or saving all your willpower to go for some grand move and then subsequently looking like your puppy died when she gestures that she’s not as into it as you.

Steps To Work Out Your Passion Muscle

No, not THAT passion muscle, I’m talking about the one that will automatically make you think of everything in terms of what you want.  You need to actively practice it in order for it to become the default way you see the world.

Do this for 30 days, and I guarantee that your life cannot be the same:

1.     Starting from this very instant, begin practicing looking at everything in terms of your passion.

  • Remember, all of us already do this with things like tasty food… When you see a delicious and juicy steak, you don’t logically tell yourself it would be a nutritionally advisable choice to partake in the meal.  You imagine eating it and surrender to the mental bliss of how good it would feel to eat it.
  • In the same way, from now on… if you see a girl that’s pretty, imagine and revel in how utterly wonderful it would feel for her to like you, to have her be in your life, to have sex with her.
  • Learn to filter anything negative and non-passionate from your thoughts.  You can choose to ignore thoughts like “She’s going to reject me” by not focusing on them.  In the same way that focusing on everything blue right now in your vision would automatically make you ignore everythingred (try it), so too can you choose which thoughts you want to have affect you.  This is the same reason why trying to “not think” about being rejected leads to it being the only thing you can think about.  Your brain can’t think in terms of negations.  Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.

2.     Commit right now that you will go over to at least ONE girl you don’t know every day, and let your passion come through in an unfiltered manner.

  • Your bread and butter skill to learning and leveraging passion is learning the skill of blending the passion in your imagination and reality together.  Start looking at every single girl you come across and imagine the sheer pleasure of having sex with her in the same way you’d imagine taking a bite out of the most amazing food you’ve ever had.  When you feel that pleasure overload coming over you, physically look at her and take a mental picture of her.  Overlay that mental snapshot of her with the crazy things you want to do to her and play that movie over and over until you feel a compulsion to take action.  Then use this compulsion to walk over and say, “Hi, I’m (name).”  Nothing more, nothing less until you master this skill.
  • If the thought of having sex with her sickens you or you can’t actively imagine yourself having sex with her, take it a step back and just imagine having an awesome conversation with her.  Let that fuel you to go and make it a reality.
  • When you actually go over and say something, don’t worry about what to say, how you’re saying it, whether to compliment her or not, etc.  The only thing that is important is taking action by talking to her and having it come from a place that’s driven by passion.
  • We’re practicing this skill of feeling the passion inside completely and not diluting it with idiotic thoughts.  Then we’re using this to drive the muscle of saying what we feel inside.
  • The conversation could even be as “stupid” as noticing she’s wearing purple, letting the feeling of talking to her flood you with passion, motivation, and enthusiasm… and then running over to say:
    “I noticed your purple sweater.”
    “oh, thanks!  What about it?”
    “nothing.  I just noticed it… and you too.  Hi, I’m Hilt.”

Remember what you learned in Part 1 of our Dating Transformation series.  Use inevitability thinking and commit to practicing this skill until the sight of a pretty woman fills you with enthusiasm and action with utter disregard for anything else.

If you can take action for a month straight, you’ll have built a concrete habit for yourself.  In addition to the other articles in our Dating Transformation series, you’ll have built the foundation of success with women.  If you never learned another thing from AMT and just picked up the commitment and persistence to change your thinking from risk-aversion to being passion-driven, it would be enough to completely change your life.

Just like the three men in our example, you too have the choice of what to focus on.  Will you decide to surrender to passion/anticipation or do nothing and default to getting choked out by anxiety?

Part 3: The Art Of Pulling the Trigger

Posted in Dating & Sex | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The One Trait That Will Get You Laid More Than Money, Looks, Or Fame

Posted on December 1, 2011 by Hilt

Dating Transformation Series: Part 1 of 3

 

Read the Pre-Primer Article if you haven’t done so already.

A Dirty Secret

10 years of my life.

Comparing notes and experiences with dozens of dating “guru’s”.

Reading and pouring over hundreds and hundreds of dating articles.

Going up and approaching thousands upon thousands of girls randomly.

Tens of thousands of hours spent this last decade have shown me that there is only ONE reason why some guys achieve success with women and some do not.

The fundamental problem with the culture here in the United States is that it’s very magic-pill solution oriented. As such, advice has a requirement to be blended with impossible marketing in order for these dating companies and coaches to continue making money off guys who really need help.

Dating coaches compound this problem and make it even worse because they have a conflict of interest in selling you a magic-pill-type program. They market their programs and coaching training as being able to turn you from zero to hero in only one weekend.

This is why I’m grateful to AMT for bringing me on board, because they’re funded privately by a non-profit organization (NAAM), and so have no coaching, products, or anything else to sell you guys. It’s always been my fundamental belief that it’s not in a person’s best interest to keep another person around in some sort of parasitic and symbiotic relationship.

The only thing I will ask of you is to refer your friends if the advice we give makes a profound difference in your life. This is the AMT vision — that the only real and sustainable way to change the very foundation of how America views Asian men is from within.

Drinking From A Firehose

Anyway, over the course of 10 years, it’s pretty safe to say that there was a lot of experience and knowledge to try to impart from my brain to yours.

Luckily for you, I’ve isolated the one trait that has gotten more guys laid than anything else. It’s the trait that will ensure that you succeed even in SPITE of imperfect or even bad advice from others.

And best of all?

At the conclusion of this article… this trait can be yours if you choose.

Just so you know where I’m coming from: I’ve been in the same type of position that you’re in today. I used to look at women and try to wrestle with the dilemma of settling with whatever girl happened to be introduced to me. The thought of going over and just saying “Hi” to a woman used to petrify me more than anything else in this world. I just simply didn’t believe it was my place to ever go up to a woman I did not know and get her.

My, my… how things have changed.

If you read through to the end of this article, my promise to you is that you will know exactly where you stand in order to achieve your vision and goals in life.

Let’s get started.

Lights Camera Action

You ready? It’s showtime.

Don’t worry, it’s easy bro. Just go and be confident. Just go talk to her. Do it.

This is the kind of advice you would hear and come to expect from other mainstream dating columns. Here’s the truth that both you and I know though — this isn’t news to you, you already know that going over and talking to a girl is always going to result in a better chance of you getting her. At worst, it’s the same percentage as if you didn’t talk to her, and that is 0%. As such, it’s always in our best interest to go talk to a girl that we like.

We know this, yet we’re unable to act. Why is it that when the camera’s rolling, when’s it’s time to rock and roll, when it matters most… we seem to have the choice made for us to hang out with our friends and look around nervously?

The guys in denial will stubbornly swear that they can go and talk to the girl, that they just haven’t decided to yet. They also seem to possess this amazing superpower to ignore the fact that they have NEVER done what they say they can do (at least while sober).

The guys who are a little more self aware will admit that they’re scared and afraid, and then justify it with the classical excuse that: “it’s not me.” Hilarity personified — last I checked, you weren’t born with the ability to walk on two feet and speak/understand language right out of the womb. Yet 99.9% of us have become someone that is able to do both.

The real answer to why most Asian guys don’t have the success with women that they want is simple:

They’ve never committed to aligning their true desires with their goals, with an undying persistence to accomplish them NO MATTER WHAT.

It’s that simple, and our beloved cultural values don’t exactly help us in getting those two requirements to success handled. Being raised up to be happy where you are in life, to be modest and humble, to not stir trouble, to care what others think about you more than your own desires… these aren’t exactly traits that will prime you to take action and have success in your life.

Instinctive Drive To Succeed

Going back to our toddler walking example: could you imagine if a toddler had to learn how to walk with the same kind of self-defeating beliefs and thoughts that our culture endows us with?

“Oh no, what if other people see me fall when I try to walk? That would be so embarrassing… why even bother? Oh well, to make my parents happy, I’ll try once…”

*Baby falls*

“Oh crap, did anyone see me fall? I KNEW I shouldn’t have tried. I’m so mortified! I’m such a klutz. I’m a failure. Why did I even bother trying? Maybe I was just born different; maybe I’m not one of those guys who was meant to walk on two feet.”

To put things in perspective, a baby falls 300 times on average before it learns how to walk. It literally falls and fails its way to success; developing muscular strength, synergy and coordination between multiple systems, and then finally mastering this seemingly simple act of balancing one’s entire weight on two feet.

How many babies give up like most adults do in life? How many just arbitrarily decide that they’re sick of failing, of falling, and that it’s not worth it?

The point is not to make an analogy that you are going to fail 300 times before you succeed with women. The point is that you were BORN with this intrinsic drive to accomplish a goal that you set out for yourself NO MATTER WHAT. You’ve already done it before in your life when you learned how to walk. You did it again when you learned how to talk, write, and read.

In that child’s young mind, there literally is not a question of IF he is going to learn to walk, but just a matter of WHEN.

You need to have the same type of conviction and persistence a baby has when it KNOWS that it is going to walk.

It’s time to make a real decision on how your future with women looks.

A Real Decision

The origins of the word decision is quite interesting, because nowadays — our society uses it like the word means to prefer one thing to another. There is no urgency, no finality, no decision. You end up “deciding” to pick strawberry ice cream over chocolate. Naturally, these also become the same type of “decisions” you make when you “decide” that you’re going to lose weight, get a hot girlfriend, or make a ton of money.

In other words, they’re the daydreams and unwarranted wishes of a jokester.  They have no weight behind it. They have no vision, no purpose, not commitment, no determination, and no grit to press on when the going gets hard.

On the other hand, the word “decision” in Latin literally means “To cut off from all other situations”. Going by the Latin definition, we’re no longer skipping gaily through preference land, we’re in a land where your decisions literally cut off any other possible situation except the one you decided on.

These are the type of decisions Vikings used to make when they decided to go to war. They even cemented it further by burning their ships once they got to enemy territory. There is no way home except through victory or through death.

In the same way, there has to be NO reality possible in your mind except for the one you decided on — and you will willingly bleed, sweat, and pursue your goals until you literally DIE or you see your goals come to life.

The greatest people in history all think in this manner. Which definition of “decision” do you think is the one that Thomas Edison used when he decided he was going to invent the light bulb?

When he was asked by reporters how he kept on going after he had failed over 10,000 times at inventing the light bulb, he answered that he didn’t fail 10,000 times, but that he had just found 10,000 ways that were NOT the way to synthesize light in a bulb. His response shows how the mind of a man who gets things done works. He literally did not even acknowledge there was a concept called failure. He just knew he had tried 10,000 different ways that haven’t worked yet.

Like our toddler, his vision and knowledge of accomplishing his goal were never in question.

Choose Your Fate

The question to ask yourself at this point is: Which definition of decision do YOU currently subscribe to? Do you not believe success with women is possible for you? Do you imagine that it would just be a nice perk to have hot girls in your life? Or do you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that this IS something that you will achieve very soon?

You may think I’m being dramatic or overly radical, but here’s the simple truth — not being able to commit to seeing your OWN vision to the end no matter what, means that by definition… it was never your true goal/vision to begin with.

Such a passive approach means that it is far more likely that your true goals are being secure and safe in life instead of experiencing greater risk and reward; that you would prefer to stay in your comfort zone and crawl with your security blanket throughout your life rather than go through what’s necessary to walk amongst the adults.

This is where the rubber meets the road.

If you do not have this trait, this fire and inner drive to see your own vision and goals to completion, you have nothing at all. Nothing else I say will help, no advice from anyone else will help you out either.

If you DO have this trait, then you have the world. It becomes your oyster.

You stop asking yourself “Can I do it?” and start thinking, “Who will stop me from doing so?”

This is the basis; the foundation of where your ability to learn seduction and success with women comes from. It has succeeded and will continue to succeed in driving you in times of hardship where most people give up. As I promised in the beginning, you CAN have this ability by the article’s conclusion.

The ability to align your goals with your desires and then pursue them till you succeed or die.

Now is the time for you to decide your relationship with this trait.

Choose wisely, because it’s the one that also decides your fate.

Part 2: Passion, Action, And You

Posted in Dating & Sex | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

The Art of Getting Hired For ANY Job

Posted on November 30, 2011 by Tim

Everyone knows that doing well on interviews is generally a very good recipe for success if you wish to be hired. A good interview can do wonders and give you a fighting shot in spite of a weak resume, or it can send you scurrying back on the road to job-hunt some more despite being overqualified.

Make no mistake about it: the most important aspect of the job-hunting process by far is the interview.

We’ve talked extensively so far about how to get that initial meet and greet with a prospective employer. This article is built on top of the assumption that you’ve taken that article’s advice and have gotten yourself an interview or two. If you’re not at that point yet, we very highly recommend you to go and read How To Write A Résumé Worthy Of A Pulitzer Prize first.

Whenever I ask most people to give me a synopsis of how they view the entire interview process, the most common terms I hear are things like, “making a good impression”, “answering all the interviewer’s questions well”, and other similar answers.

These are all good and fine points, but they fail to address the core of what an interview is. Until you get to the core of why the interview really exists in the hiring process, you will always fail to reach your potential in interviews.

Why An Interview?

The core reason for an interview is for the applicant to sell that he is THE BEST possible candidate to the hiring company. Just like the only purpose of a resume is for an applicant to sell that he is THE BEST candidate for the position, the only purpose of the interview is to back that up and sell that YOU are the best person possible for that position with conviction. The keyword there is sell.

On an interview, a company will try to assess your ability to do the tasks required of you by the position and also to look for any red flags in your character. The one thing they usually are not looking for or ready for is being sold to.

That is where your competitive advantage begins.

While most people sweat and are uncomfortable about being prodded and probed during the interview process, a prepared person will relish and even salivate slightly at the thought of being able to sell his this superior product (himself) to his unsuspecting target.

It goes to follow then, that the most critical skill in any interview is your supreme confidence that you ARE the best candidate for the job. Everything else starts from that assumption, because that is the foundation of your pitch. Even if someone else is better than you on paper, you better believe deep down and beyond a shadow of a doubt… that with the help of this article, your experience and ability to sell this prospective company on your superiority WILL make you the best candidate.

Belief Structures

When you truly believe so strongly that you are the best possible candidate for a job that you border on insanity, you’re ready to begin the interview process. If any of these thoughts ever creep into your head unconsciously before you go into an interview, it’s a good bet you’re going to kill it and do well because of your unshakeable core confidence foundation.

  • Of course you’re going to hire me.
  • It’s a given that you’ll make the right choice in hiring me.
  • It’s a mere formality that I’m here.
  • It would be the biggest mistake your company ever made if you didn’t hire me.
  • You’d have to be an idiot not to hire me.
  • If you do not see my worth, there are thousands of other people who would kill for my services.

I constantly see many Asians trying to take some kind of moral high ground by inferring that having superior social skills at work or being skilled at the art of communication is “ass-kissing”, and that these idiots are so lucky that the boss is stupid enough to fall for that.

Meanwhile, these same “idiots” magically get “favored” by upper management and quickly pass them by. This pattern of (not so) silent complaining continues, and the people who truly have a right to complain end up being the people who are forced to listen to the garbage that these people never shut up about; as if the system were specifically designed to be rigged against them.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is that these people have grown so fond and affectionate of needing to be right that they’re willing to pay the price of sacrificing all the glory, happiness, and wealth they would have earned otherwise.

Don’t let your moral high horse race you towards the depression of squandering your potential and an ultimately unfulfilled life.

Selling Yourself

We already talked in the last article about the fact that, like it or not: you are selling yourself when you are looking for employment.  If you’re not selling yourself, by default you actively sell against yourself.  You might as well get over it and accept it, because the sooner you can do that, the more you can better sell yourself.

Your belief in what you’re selling trumps anything else. There’s a common saying in sales that in a situation where you’re actually selling something (rather than people buying commodities), people buy YOU rather than what you’re selling. In other words, when you sell someone, they are pushing the buy button in response to their faith/belief in YOU, which also transfers to the product/service you’re selling.

That’s why I’ve stressed over and over so many times that THIS MUST be the foundation where the rest of your interview skills must come from. If you do not have the utmost confidence in your product, it’s going to show when you make your pitch.

As Asians, I understand that we may NOT think that it’s a good thing to be vocal or so grandiose with the presentation of our accomplishments. This is exactly the reason why I’ve been trying to show you how it looks from the other side of the fence. When you’re humble, nervous, and unsure of yourself in front of me, the only message you’re sending me is that you’re a bumbling idiot who’s going to make me regret hiring you.

Your counter argument of believing that you have so much potential is lost on deaf ears.  Employers just see you as you are now. Actions speak louder than words, and I’m here to tell you that your lack of action in an interview has you being eliminated no matter what else you do.

Dominating The Interview

Enough theory, it’s game time. Here’s a tangible list of what you need to do in order to knock an interview out of the ballpark. This entire process begins way before you ever even leave your house.

  1. Do your research on the company
    Know all the key metrics. It’s always nice knowing how much they did last quarter, relevant news related the company and/or the industry. Know all their product lines/services, how they’re doing, what areas they may not be doing that well in, etc. This actually should have been done in the preliminary resume submission process, but re-acquaint yourself with the material and metrics. What questions do you have about the company? Keep them on hand, you’ll need them.
  2. Practice selling yourself
    No, I’m not advocating prostitution, but you definitely want to take a look at your own resume from the interviewer’s perspective. What are the most common questions you’re going to be asked? You should be able to sell the tangible results of what you did at your last job EXTREMELY well. Most interviewers will give you an open-ended “So what did you do at your last job?” This isn’t the time to read your resume aloud like the interviewer is a toddler, this is the time to launch into your sales pitch about how you raised X metric Y% in only Z time and how you did it all with a budget of only $_____. Practice in front of a mirror and notice your own facial expressions, tone, and believability. If you truly believe in what you did and truly believe in your own product (yourself), all of this takes care of itself.
  3. Look Sharp
    You want to go with a traditional interview outfit that is perfectly fit and tailored for you. It makes a HUGE different even if the person interviewing you isn’t into fashion. Plus, you’ll feel like a million bucks. Consult our fashion and style articles for the proper fit and buying guide for a suit.
  4. Be Prepared
    You want to have at LEAST 3 copies of your resume in a professional binder. Remember to print your resumes out on proper resume paper etc. Review your own resume and make sure you can answer ANY question regarding any bullet point in shockingly precise detail. Make sure your transportation details are in order. Google maps the route and add least another 30-45 minutes to that so you can get there early and make a good first impression.
  5. Turn the smile and charm on
    An interview is the last place for you to try to play “too cool for school”. THIS IS ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT FOR ASIANS! The worst thing for any interviewer is to have an interviewee walk in and skulk about. As a fellow Asian, I understand it’s easier to have a face like that in a nervous situation, but it does NOT help your case. If you’ve been following along, the supreme confidence that you are the best candidate this company could EVER get will no doubt get you in the right mood. You’ll be anxious for the interviewer to give you the first opportunity for you to sell him on your greatness. Anything short of that and you need to re-evaluate yourself and get over your unwillingness to sell yourself.
  6. Attack the interview with the ferocity of a predator
    As said before, you should be licking your chops waiting for the first opportunity to launch into selling the company and interviewer on how you will change their business. Don’t you dare sit there wincing and waiting like a child waiting to be disciplined. Most interview questions are open as to what the “correct” answer is. I can guarantee you that the wrong answer will ALWAYS be to be controlled by the fear of not giving the right answer. Know that you have the right answer — and that answer is you. No matter what is asked or said, you are that answer.
  7. Deflect concerns or doubts the interviewer has with confidence bordering on delusion
    If you are asked about something you have no experience or knowledge in, realize that you can’t change the past. That said, you can make a very compelling case for your prediction of the future. Combine this point with the next one to give the perfect retort to any question.
  8. Give justifications for every single point you make
    Be able to tout your supreme belief that the task will be learned and executed in record time because of your life experiences and your background in X. You can plug in anything into X. (Ex. So you see, THAT is why my experience in competitive water polo quite possibly gives me an almost UNFAIR competitive advantage to becoming an analyst. I have already spent years mastering the art of religiously and tirelessly practicing my craft until I am better than even people who may have started with more natural talent or experience than me. I intend to have that dedication to success transfer to my work here as well.) Having a random justification of why If you believe so strongly will ensure that the infectiousness of your confidence will rub off on your audience as well. Besides, if you YOURSELF aren’t your own most zealous and fanatical supporter, who exactly is going to lead your crusade for you?
  9. Show up ready with some proof pudding
    Unless you are applying for a starting position or entry-level position, most employers are going to want you to jump straight into key areas that need your expertise and skillset. Make sure you inquire what some of the biggest challenges their division/department is facing right now and what steps they’ve taken to try to address the issue. There is nothing more attractive than a prospective employee that asks what our department is struggling with, asks what we’ve done, and then correctly advises what other things would likely help us to solve the problem. One valid solution you propose will trump any other interviewee’s logical qualifications. You just gave a fresh perspective on something we’re hiring you for. You proved in 2 minutes that you’re exactly what I’m looking for.
  10. Stay one step ahead
    By now, every answer you’ve given should’ve conveyed to me that you’re the perfect person for the position. I should be thanking the heavens that such a perfect recruit dropped into my applicants list. Make sure you always know what the next move is. Ask what the timetable for a response will be if you don’t get offered the job initially. Write up a congruent thank-you email to the interviewer afterwards that once again integrates the same message that you are the perfect candidate seamlessly. Follow-up with the interviewer relentlessly once his own timetable has passed. You have nothing to lose by being persistent.

If you follow these 10 points properly, there is no telling how far you can go. There is absolutely no one else out there actively selling to the employer on an interview. Everyone typically just answers to the best of their ability nervously and hopes for the best. Interviewers do not go into interviews expecting to be sold. That is the biggest advantage you hold over any other applicant. Be sure not to squander it.

Shock their senses. Make them realize that you have the answer to any and all questions they can ask. Make them not dare to take the chance of passing on your employment.

Most of all, make them realize that the answer to the most pressing issues in their business is the same answer you’ve shown over and over throughout the interview…

That the answer is you.

Posted in Money & Power | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The Rosetta Stone Of Style And Shopping

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Law

This guide is the byproduct of my many years of experience being involved in the fashion industry, keeping up with the latest trends and news, trying out many styles on both myself and clients, and consulting with some of the most fashionable people in the industry.

I’ve set up this visual guide that illustrates EXACTLY how to shop quickly, create a bunch of outfits, and then look sharp for any type of occasion.

I’ve taken the essence of what makes style and fashion edgy and hip and distilled it.  Then I took out all the parts that don’t directly relate to a regular guy’s experiences and needs in this department.

The goal is to get you the basic idea, so you can add your own flare to the mix to truly make it your own.

*** IMPORTANT: If you haven’t already, go and read the article entitled “The One X-Factor In Fashion“, as it is the most important criteria in fashion , and every other fashion article will be based on the assumption that you have read that. ***

Planning

As an Asian man who now has an idea on fit, what defines fashionable?

Being that fashion is an expression of yourself, and that style is an extension of your personality, the first thing we need to figure out is how we want others to perceive us via our style.  In other words, you need to decide what kind of classification of style you want to go for.

Solid Styles:

These are all solid styles that any reader should be able to achieve and look good in.  Aside from Avant-garde, which may require a little more swagger to pull off, all the other ones will result in being complimented on your style by men and women alike.

  • Professional
  • Natural
  • Relaxed/Casual
  • Edgy/Modern
  • Avant-garde

VISUAL EXAMPLES:

These are some basic visual examples, of what these styles look and some different looks from each category.

Professional – Sophisticated. Very sharp and tailor-fitted look. Perfect to wear with or without tie.

Natural – Solid plain colors, no graphics.  Slightly tighter, with a natural look in the end.

 

Relaxed/Casual – Solid, but with more color variety.  Slightly looser fit to make it look more relaxed.

 

Edgy – This style is characterized by tighter and perfectly fitting clothes.  It looks way sharper, more intense, and more edgy.  You’ll definitely catch some great attention with these looks.

Avant-garde – This is anything that pushes the boundaries of edginess.  This is characterized by new styles that are out of the norm. As said before, these are harder to pull off without swagger and at least a rudimentary understanding of style and fashion.

No matter what style you choose, it has to suit you.

Your fashion has to compliment your lifestyle and/or the occasion you’re attending.

If you’re a business professional, you’ll want to wear a crisp and tailored suit at work when business attire is called for, and then turn that into an edgy or relaxed outfit when you go out for drinks on Saturday night.

If you’re in a rock band, you’d go for a more edgy and rocker look.

Being able to change your primary style is valuable at times, but it’s highly recommended in the beginning to have a main style.  If you’re a business professional, you can have a professional style at work and then shift into a slightly edgier look by wearing a blazer, edgy fitted jeans, and pointy shoes at night.

Shopping:

Some of you might really hate shopping, I get it.

I’ve done my best to make the process as simple, straightforward, and stress-free for you. (Who knows, you might even grow to enjoy it!)

We’re almost done preparing out our look now — and this is one of the most important phases of any outfit selection process.

You see, I’ve noticed that most guys go clothes shopping without knowing what they want to get.  Nevermind a style, a look, an outfit, these people never even bothered to picture even one piece that they want.

They go around store to store hoping they find something they like.

As a very intelligent and lovable cheshire cat once said, “If you don’t know where you want to go, any road will take you there”

Indeed, going about it this way will not only take you longer to shop, but you’ll also end up buying clothes that look match the archetype of a person who had no direction and was just tired of looking.

This is all you have to do to shop quickly and efficiently –

1)  Decide the style you want beforehand

As I’ve said before, this is necessary before you go shop.  Decide on a look and an outfit from that category.  Have that in mind when you go to the store

A few minutes of looking at a men’s fashion magazine (or even this article!) will save you hours of looking aimlessly in the stores.

2)   Buy an entire outfit that matches the style and look you want.

Instead of buying separate pieces (shirt, button-down, jeans, etc) and hoping that they match your other clothes, consider buying all the pieces for ONE outfit at a time.

You don’t need to buy it all in one day, and especially not all in the same store.  Next time you go shopping again though, you know exactly what pieces you need to buy to complete your outfit.

This way you are building your wardrobe with different types of outfits instead of buying random clothes hoping they will match.

The best part of buying entire outfits instead of separate pieces is that it ends up being infinitely easier to mix and match.

Since we took so much care to buy clothes that fit and look great on us, the same will hold true when you mix and match items from different outfits or layer them up.

Note:

Beware of going to big department stores like Macy’s etc.  It will be much harder for you to find your size and all that more difficult to find a distinct style.

What can you expect to find in places like these?  The men’s department is going to be a landfill of oversized, toned down, and less fashionable outfits at outrageous prices.

When compared to going to specific stores or brands that cater to your style, it’s a no-brainer which one to do the majority of your shopping in.

Exponential Outfits

Layering is an immense topic, and will be covered on its own on another article, but with layering and buying complete outfits combined, you can achieve an exponential amount of outfits.

To illustrate this effect, I’ve put together a little photoshop magic to demonstrate how you can achieve an exponential amount of outfits with only 7 different starting items.

Let’s say we bought:

  • 1 sweater
  • 3 button-down shirts
  • 1 regular shirt/undershirt
  • 2 jeans (black and blue)

Now normally, for most guys, this would mean 3-4 outfits they could wear. (assuming you’re going somewhere where you need to wear a shirt and pants).

With the help of AMT fashion, most guys would be able to now make these 7 pieces yield 10 outfits

You have the various tops with the black jeans that make 5 outfits

Then we change our black jeans to the blue ones we bought and get 5 more outfits.

Even with these 10 outfits, you’ve already gotten your money’s worth since you have something killer to wear 10 days in a row when you only bought 7 items.

Let’s add on layering though, and see that number turn exponential.  If we layer the sweater with the tops from before, with black jeans, we get:

Once again, we can swap the jeans for an even different look.

Let’s ditch the sweater and start layering the button-down with the shirt:

24 outfits.  7 pieces.  All of them would make you one of the best-dressed men at most events.  We haven’t even included swapping out shoes/boots/sneakers, accessorizing, hairstyles, or anything else.  As you can see though, as the number of core items you get increases, the number of outfits you can create grows exponentially.

When you do this correctly, one of the most common compliments you’ll get is that you must spend a fortune on their clothes, since every time someone sees you, you’re wearing a different outfit.

So remember, you need to get outfits that work together with your other outfits.  You don’t want to get any pieces that cannot play nicely with any other piece (like a purple pimp suit).

The more core outfits you buy, the more pieces you’ll have to continue to build different outfits and have a really stylish wardrobe.

As you get more and more core items and experience in putting them together, you’ll find that it gets easier and easier to buy single outfits to compliment any outfits in your wardrobe.

The result is that you’ll always look different and stylish all the time, and you’ll only have spent 15 minutes while buying your clothes.

After all, they either have the perfect pieces you’re looking for in the size that fit perfectly or you walk.

What to wear on different occasions:

Here’s a rule of thumb that will solve 99% of your questions regarding what to wear and when:

“What is everyone else there going to wear?”

This instantly focuses you on what to wear.  Then all you have to do is one-up them within the confines of the dress code.  For example, let’s say you were to go to:

  • a local bar with your guy friends – There’s no code, so you can just wear something natural or casual/relaxed. Throw in an edgy item or two and you’re the most stylish guy at the bar without looking try-hard.
  • a modern lounge/club – The dress code is usually shoes and collared shirt.  One up everyone else by dressing edgier and standing out. You can combine edginess with a professional look by having a really nice blazer with edgy jeans and have every girl going Gaga over you
  • a classy or upscale club –  Go for a more professional look.  A tailored suit without a tie will kill.
  • a summer party – go for a casual and relaxed look.  Wear some shorts with a form-fitting button-down short sleeved t-shirt, or go with fitted jeans and a matching fitted shirt.

What do I mean by within the confines of the dress code?  Let’s say you wore “classy or upscale club attire” to a summer party.  Everyone would instantly laugh because you look like a person who is confused as to what the dress code is.  If you’re outside swimming, chilling, and drinking… the last thing you would be wearing is a tailored suit.

The perception gets shifted from admiring your finely crafted suit to your ignorance at knowing where to wear it.

Just use common sense: dress accordingly and ALWAYS aim to be the best dressed person for the occasion.

Getting Feedback:

One of the most cardinal sins I hear every guy say is how “it feels too tight”, or that they’re not used to it after they try on proper fitted clothes.

How stupid is it to throw an idea out on a ridiculous gut-reaction like that?  If wearing perfectly fitted clothes and being stylish was comfortable to the common Joe, then this article would never need to exist!  Before you know it, you’ll get used to how PROPERLY fitted clothes feel on you and you’ll love it.

I dare you to try it out and get feedback that you look worse than you used to look.

Even if you wore nothing edgy and only followed the mandatory fit rule, you would look like a COMPLETELY different person.

The best feedback to get is from guys that are already fashionable and look good with the style you are aiming for.  Don’t be shy when asking, most of the time they’re cool people and take it as a compliment that you like their style.  Then they’ll help you look better as well.

Conclusion

There are basically 3 stages to become really fashionable and master your own look.

1. Learn the rules and strictly adhere to them.
2. Get extreme, flashy, and dandy.  Learn what works and what doesn’t while expressing yourself.
3. Get back to the basics and bring in the proper flair as a refined master.

If you’re too scared to try out a new look, and afraid of criticism from other guys, you need to go ahead and locate your balls.  You’ve been bitched by people who don’t understand the value of looking good and lie to themselves every day about how they don’t need to dress well.

If you know better than to take financial stock tips from a random bum on the street, you’ll be well-prepared for the legions of guys who have an opinion on something they don’t understand at all.  In fact, you should do them a favor and quickly direct them to read our introductory article on “The REAL Reason You Need To Dress Well“.

Remember kids, if YOU believe in your attire, everyone else will too.

Copyright: The photo’s are not property of AMT and belongs to the photographer. The photos are used in good faith and not for profit.  Clothing credits go to Fuga, Jackrose/LuvMaison, Buffalo Bobs, Gucci.

Posted in Fashion & Style | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

The ONE X-Factor In Style And Fashion

Posted on September 14, 2011 by Law

If you haven’t already, read our introductory article on “The REAL Reason You Need To Dress Well“

 

There is one thing that is more important than anything else in the world of fashion and looking good.
It’s not about luxury brands, price tags, commas in the price, or anything else. It’s something that can literally RUIN your $xx,xxx outfit or make your $xx outfit look like a million bucks.

That x-factor is fit.

Let me get this through your head, because this is a promise you can take to the bank without fail:

If you get the fit down perfectly, you WILL look good.

Okay, so if it’s so important, why does it seem like baggy clothing is so much more dominant over proper fit? Why is this the poster child of typical American fashion?

Sorry to burst your bubble, but even if baggy might have been ‘in’ back in the 90′s, it most certainly is just a fad, and more importantly — looks even worse when Asian guys wear it.

You don’t want to look like these jokers.

Someone aspiring for this style of fashion is secretly hoping that they are seen as hip, trendy, and a bit urban; with a bit of danger, mystery, and intrigue mixed in.

Unfortunately, the message that is sent across loud and clear is the complete opposite.

Through my journeys through the fashion industry and from consulting with people, I’ve come to the conclusion that most American men don’t care at all about fit, they only care about comfort.

This is where it gives us an advantage.

While most of America trudges on in this lazy approach to life, I’m going to show you how to invest a mere 5 minutes to reap an incredible advantage.

First thing you must know: American stores are made for American body types and not Asian body types. It’s not hard; you just have to take a little bit of time to get the perfect fit.

Here’s a general good rule of thumb: your clothes have to be fitted enough to give you that tight/slick silhouette look. A perfect fit will give you the best masculine figure.

Here’s a quick and simple visual guide I put together to illustrate good (and bad) fit for Asian men.

Long sleeve shirts:

Bad Fit:

Hi, my big brother gave me this shirt:

Shirts that come with a built-in parachute courtesy of horrible fit:

Conclusion: There is no definition — if it doesn’t give a distinct and fitted figure, it’s wrong.

Proper fit:

Notice the proper tightness, length and proportion.

The red lines highlight the most important parts:

When it’s tapered in, it gives you that fitted silhouette look, making your shoulders look broader and more masculine.

NOTE:

When buying a dress shirt for a suit, get a longer length so it’s easier to tuck in your pants. But make sure the fit is similar to the above picture.

Short Sleeved Shirts:

Bad Fit:

I wear a general size, to match the general discrimination I get :)


 

Conclusion:  The only thing worse than this fit is that he actually paid money for this shirt.  Long and big are only good characteristics when it comes to… other features you have

Proper Fit:

Again, notice the torso is fitted and tight giving your shoulders that broad look. Also look at the length of the shirt and especially the sleeves. The fit makes you look more of a man than a child.

NOTE: For upper body, broad shoulders and torso are the most important parts when considering the fit, they are what define a masculine look.

 

Jeans/Pants:

Jeans and pants are the most important part of your wardrobe. It sets the look and definition of the entire outfit. A perfect fit will enhance everything you’re wearing, making it easier to mix and match shirts, jackets, shoes etc.

That being said…

Bad Fit:

Who’s ready for some beer pong bro?

 

Conclusion: Generic fit, generic result.  Way too wide and loose. The wideness from top to bottom destroys any type of silhouette or definition, and as we’ve so quickly learned, these are our best friends!

Here’s how you want to dress in jeans

Proper Fit:

Skinny:

Skinny fit is tight from top to bottom. It’s extremely fitted and gives a very defined silhouette and figure to your legs. Notice the bottom of the jeans stays tight; ideal for slimmer body types. The fit makes it look fashionable and not boring.

Boot cut:

Boot cut jeans are tight and tapered on the top and the middle portion of the legs, but then flares at the bottom. It gives a different silhouette and figure, but you can still see the definition of your legs. The flare can compliment a stockier upper body, giving a more proportioned figure.

Tapered Straight leg:

If you want to keep it loose, your jeans should fit like these. It’s not as tight as the other two, but it’s tapered on top to give your legs definition. The slight “bagginess” towards the bottom and looser fit give it a more relaxed look. This fit compliments Asians guys that have thicker legs.

Remember: Clothes that hide your definition or silhouette are the enemy.

NOTE:
You must ALWAYS get jeans with the perfect waist, it’s directly related to how fitted it is around the legs. Jeans that are too long can be hemmed by a tailor, and this is one of the cheapest and most effective ways to convert jeans that would make you look like a middle school kid because of its length to jeans that get you attention from the people who matter.

Suits/Jackets:

Even Jackets can be properly fitted:

You can have a really fitted puffy jacket (left) or a more relaxed fitted look (mid). Even with a more edgy look, a fitted jacket with waist length will do (right).

NOTE:

If you want a bigger jacket, make sure it gives a similar figure to what’s shown above. You can compensate with arm width and chest/shoulder width, but the torso section should be tapered in slightly.

A Side-By-Side comparison of the night and day difference between a well-fitting suit and one that is not:

 

Notice how the tailored suit on the right gives him the perfect figure/silhouette.

Suit Jackets/Blazers should have a fitted tapered torso and pants must be hemmed to rest just above the shoe, so there are no baggy wrinkles at the bottom.

(Knowing how to buy and tailor your suit deserves its own topic and will be discussed in a different article.)

 

Completed Looks:

Here are some completed looks that blend everything we’ve showcased here today together:

Boot cut jeans and button down shirt (left)
Skinny jeans, shirt, and button down jean jacket (right)

Loose fit pants, fitted jacket (left)
Skinny pants, loose jacket (right)

Formal look (left)
Edgy/Casual look (right)

Hopefully looking at these pictures has you seeing fit differently now, and I hope you aren’t just looking at the pictures and telling yourself that you don’t want to look “metro”, “FOB”, “gay” or some other random label. These pictures are examples of good fit and what’s fashionable now. You can pick any of the looks and run with it.

Obviously, this guide is catered to Asian men and I’m operating on the general stereotype that we have more slim figures…but use common sense if you have a different body type. If you are bigger, then get a bigger size. Some might have to get it tailored slightly, but getting a small alteration done is fast and cheap.

If you have trouble finding the type of fit, ask a male store employee to help you out or a fashionable Asian guy friend, if you know one. Just take the look of the guide and make it fit your body type. You now know how it’s supposed to look; you just have to try on clothes till they do.

WARNING: Stay away from women’s advice in the beginning. They generally are more fashionable than men, BUT they will want you to wear whatever style they think is good, even if it wouldn’t necessarily look good for you.

So there you have it — remember the Cardinal rule: Fit over everything else.

STORY BONUS:

IF IT DOESN’T FIT YOU PERFECTLY, DO NOT BUY IT!!!!!!!

No matter how much you like the design/color, don’t be a jackass and buy it.

I’ve been in that boat before and bought clothes that didn’t fit correctly just because I wanted to buy something or it looked really cool or it was on sale. In the end, I realized that those clothes ended up looking like shit on me because they were too big.

I must have worn them only once or twice, so the real joke was on me for buying them. Unless it’s a minor tailor alteration, don’t waste your money! No matter how cool it looks, if it’s not near your size, let it go!

There will always be more clothes that fit well. Always go for the best fit.

You’ll know when you see it, because you’ll look in the mirror and just say “DAMN” to yourself.

 

Head over to The Rosetta Stone of Style and Shopping.

 

Copyright: The photo’s are not property of AMT and belongs to the photographer. The photos are used in good faith and not for profit.  Clothing credits go to GQ, Fuga, Jackrose/LuvMaison, Buffalo Bobs, Gucci, D&G.

Posted in Fashion & Style | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

How To Write A Résumé Worthy Of A Pulitzer Prize

Posted on September 10, 2011 by Tim

“How could someone so smart be so stupid?!?!”

I was having lunch with my head of HR, and she had the resumes of some of the candidates for the 3 jobs we posted last week. I was fairly amused by this, because this is a conversation that we’ve had many times, and she always had these hilarious outbursts when we were hiring new people.

I took a look at the offending resume. At first glance, all I could notice was a disorganized mess that made me not want to read it. I didn’t even know where to begin, as the only thing really clear to me was that he went to Columbia University and worked at 3 different places in the last 5 years.

His bullet points looked more like a shopping list of what he had bought last week than a list of his accomplishments. I couldn’t get a sense for who he was, what value he would provide my company in the position we would be hiring him in, or anything.

I flipped to the back, and under “strengths”, he had buried in there that he had a 4.0 GPA in college, and that he was extremely athletic.

I had to laugh at that point, because Donna was right. How could someone who excelled so well at a good University be so stupid? I run a performance-oriented marketing firm, and I’m sad to say that someone’s ability to do 30 pushups and sit-ups at the office just… don’t matter all that much to me.

Furthermore, how do you get a 4.0 GPA from Columbia and fail to even recognize proper grouping and prioritization of displaying said accomplishments? It’s something I see so often and yet I am still shocked when it happens.

Me and Donna frequently have conversations like this all the time over lunch, because I know that hiring the absolute top talent available is crucial to the lifeblood of an organization.

For most organizations though, the sad truth is that your resume is your first impression and most definitely LAST impression with them.

Those 21+ years of busting your ass while your parents told you that you weren’t good enough, and that xyz’s son/daughter was doing better than you? All the extracurricular activities, all-nighters, Ivy-League accolades and connections?

All completely flushed down the drain the second someone in HR looks at your resume and scoffs.

But then again, is that any surprise? Our Asian culture teaches us about being humble, about not boasting about yourself.

Make no mistake though: whether you like it or not, your resume is a piece of advertisement for yourself. It is the brochure and a gateway to your services. If the brochure sucks, nobody’s ever going to visit that destination.

I’m here today to share with you my insight from the other side of the fence. Once you see how the company that’s hiring looks at you as a potential employee, you’ll see where and why most peoples’ approaches to being hired is completely wrong.

Just Give Me A Reason, ANY Reason

As I said before, I am deeply involved in the hiring process of all my employees because I knew how much it meant to our culture and efficiency as an organization. Let me show you what kind of hell HR has to go through to find talented individuals to work with us:

When a job posting goes out in our industry (marketing/PR), a typical mid-level 60-70k job will get about 350 applications coming in a DAY per SITE (Craigslist, Monster, Careerbuilder, etc).

Donna’s team has the unenviable task of wading through all of these resumes and finding talent in them. Now if I gave you 1500 resumes to have to look over a day, what would you do?

You adapt the mentality of “Give me a reason to NEXT you”.

No cover letter? NEXT! ANY typo’s or misspellings? NEXT! Generic drivel that says nothing about what you’ve done in your career? NEXT!

The HR personnel assigned to look over your resume and 1500 others is just looking for an excuse to throw yours away. That’s the sad and harsh truth.

You could have cured cancer somewhere on the second page of your resume, but if you misspelled anything on the first page, you better believe no respectable company will ever read it.

A basic law of human psychology and behavior is the principle of commitment and consistency. In that light, how a man does something is how he does EVERYTHING.

You could be a genius, an amazing mind, a brilliant person, but if you lack even the basic sense to put the effort required into presenting yourself as a truly valuable resource to my organization, it shows me I can expect that same kind of lack of attention to detail in your work and in how you will work with others.

To Get To The End, You Must Start At The Beginning

It truly blows my mind how little people understand about how the world of business works. Asians especially are told from when they’re young to study hard and that someday, someone will hire them and that is the end of the story/vision from most parents to their children.

They never teach their children to “change the world”, to “make a difference”, or anything radical. They teach them to blend in, to do well, to keep their head down, to get a good job and hold on for dear life, to not stir the waters, and to value security over ambition.

Thus, most Asians have no idea about the big picture of how they fit into society and only know what’s inside their little protective bubble/version of the world.

Take a look at things from my side of the fence for a second. Let’s break it down into absolute basics and strip out terminology or industry. When I am hiring, my company has a need for someone of a very specific skill set.

Why? It’s because I need him or her to use that skill set to execute certain tasks that are necessary for my company to make a profit and provide services to others. In other words, I am hiring you so you make more money for me than it costs to keep you.

THIS is the reason why HR people throw your resume/application away as soon as you are deemed a mismatch. We’re scared when traditional Asian values scream in outrage when we try to think of how to best sell ourselves to others. This concept does not exist in our culture, and so it must be bad.

Here’s the disturbing truth though: if you can’t convince me that you could do the job better than the other thousands of people who applied, why would I ever even consider hiring you? I don’t know you.

Your work doesn’t speak for itself, that’s a stupid and figurative term that has no applicable use in real life. If you refuse to communicate your worth to others, then you deserve to be ruthlessly eliminated before you ever get a chance to let your work do any talking.

No one who’s hiring you cares about how you look on paper. The ONLY question in their minds is, “Is this person able to satisfy the needs of this business, and more importantly: do they already have a track record of already doing so prior?”

Make no mistake about it: when you apply for a job, you are a salesman SELLING me. You are trying to convince me that it would be a worthy investment of purchasing your services.

If I have 1500 people a DAY trying to sell me on ONE need that I have, how do your prospects look when the first thing I see is clutter, disorganization, and amateur mistakes?

If you do not care to sell me on your value to my company, then it’s quite simple — I’m not going to care to bother ever talking to you again.

In other words, if you ever want to fill a company’s needs, you need to assess what value you bring to the table for others, and learn how to communicate that across to them quickly and with exacting precision.

THIS is the foundation of where your confidence in interviews and your resume comes from.

Stopping Before The Finish Line

As Asians, we’ve put in all this effort and time into academics and everything else as children and teenagers. We’ve worked hard our entire life.

That’s why it’s utter insanity to give up before we reach the finish line. I’m going to give you a crash course on how to properly present yourself to a business.

Here are the things that are absolutely essential for presenting yourself properly to the people who decide your fate:

  1. Remember the golden rule: What does my prospective employer care most about, and how can I communicate that most effectively to him/her?
  • If a line item on your resume doesn’t make a BOLD statement for why you would be the perfect candidate, get rid of it or re-write it till it does. Starting from the end, working backwards is the best way to ensure you are the best candidate in the company’s eyes. If you work backwards and find gaps in your knowledge or experience, this is also where you know you will need to be confident in explaining.
  1. Organize your resume into logical subdivisions, with the most impactful sections in front.
  • If you can quantify any of your skills into an impressive or distinctive measure, do it. If you had a 4.0 GPA in school, you’d put it in.
  • If your skills have a certain certification/qualification/proof element to it, put it in. Otherwise, the section for listing your skills is not the place for selling yourself. Which brings me to my next point…
  1. Quantify results that you’ve gotten for others.
  • There is NOTHING a manager likes more than a person who “has a track record and history of taking responsibility for projects and driving them to completion no matter what”.  These are the words straight from Google’s CEO on how they’re devouring the world’s top talent, and the definition of what top talent or an A player is. It’s that simple, and he states that Google’s success is directly linked to never compromising in hiring B players.
  • An A player is results-oriented, doesn’t have the luxury of shifting blame or making excuses. He just gets things done, no matter what he has to do to achieve it. So when you write down “Led copywriting for clients” as a bullet item on your despondent resume, it means nothing to the HR person looking it over. If you write down “Handled the entire Zoom creative campaign for Nike from project inception to completion, completing the task 2 months ahead of schedule and delivering 137% increased profit from the old control group”, now you have their FULL attention. They know now. This guy is an A player, a guy who gets things DONE. Both presentations use the same history, but one leads to an impression on a whole different level as the other.  Do you see now how much this cultural value of being modest with how you talk about yourself will KILL you on a resume or in an interview?
  • If you see what I’m talking about, then you need to pause right after reading this bullet point.  You need to stop nodding your head that this is good advice and actually DO something about it. Actually USE this article and take your boring grocery-list style resume and transform it into something that sells someone else on your value. I’m serious. Do it right now. Take a step into taking hold of your future. Sell me on your brilliance and aptitude.
  1. Use your spell-check.
  • Then read your resume through from beginning to end.  Then have a colleague/friend/family member read it through and look for typo’s or grammatical mistakes. A blemish on what should be a professional piece of sales material (selling you) is a joke that ends up with your resume in the trash.
  1. Bullet points are written in the past tense. 
  • You DID do something at your last job right?  Almost as unforgivable as spelling errors are these errors of tense. Your resume is a snapshot at your past, and it’s supposed to make me salivate at the possibility of working with you in the future. Treat it as such, and change all those “Responsible for….” to “Was responsible for…”. Make me believe you comprehend and can speak English please, or there will be no future between us.
  1. Hire outside help if you need to.
  • If your English is not that great, if writing is not your forte, then you NEED to do this.  This is one of the necessary evils of job-hunting, just like buying a suit for the interview if you don’t have one. You wouldn’t be stupid and just show up in some sweater your grandma knitted for you if you didn’t like suits, and you can’t do the equivalent for your resume either if your English and writing could use work.
  1. Attention to detail, down to the proper resume paper.
  • If you’re handing out resumes in person, make sure you look like a person that understands attention to detail.  Consult our fashion section to make sure you’re dressed properly in an outfit that conveys you are as sharp as you look.
  1. If you have an asian-sounding first name… consider revising it and coming up with an American one. You can call yourself anything on your resume, it’s only once you go to HR that you have to fill in your official name.
  • Face the facts: as messed up as it sounds, hiring managers look at a name like Min Hyuk Kim at the top of your resume and will immediately cast doubt as to whether or not you can even speak English, or communicate with your other team members effectively. Now you swap that out with Michael Kim, with a killer written resume that is verbose and extremely clear in presenting yourself, and the hiring manager nods his head in approval.

And with that, let’s talk about the other nuances of getting hired… short of the actual interview.

Proactiveness vs. Stagnation And Decay

It’s no secret that the people who take the most action in life also get the most out of it.

This applies to your resume and the job hiring process as well. I would highly recommend you to take an afternoon to evaluate your strengths, see which companies in your industry you’d like to work for, and what you could offer them that they would value.

Going back to our 1500 applications/day per job example, how would you get noticed out of a mob of 1500 people?

I can tell you from our own numbers that 50% of the people who submit resumes have grievous errors like I outlined above: with misspellings, tense errors, jumbled sections, and other unprofessional characteristics.

Only 25% have a well laid-out resume and also can confidently lay out what they bring to the table for a company. I would say fewer than 3% of people who submit resumes actually focus on tangible and measurable results on their resumes. This is by FAR the most important tool you can use to distinguish yourself.

When it’s all said and done though, a perfectly written resume will not cut it when you’re applying for a job where they need senior experience and you’re only running around with junior or no experience.

If you do nothing else, you will still lose out to the more experience person with a crappier resume. So what can you do?

To quote Mr. Robert Frost, you’re going to have to take the road less traveled

  1. Do your research.
  • Call the general company’s switchboard, and find out who the hiring manager is for the position you’re applying for.
  • Move heaven and hell to get that information. Tell them you want to touch base with them regarding the status of your job approval, and to thank them.
  • Whether it’s HR or the actual department manager/head doing the interviews and reviewing the resumes, nothing is more annoying than to receive a cover letter from 500 applicants (2/3 don’t even send them) with “Dear Recruiter” or “To Whom It May Concern”, or some other impersonal title.The one cover letter that addresses me by my name?  THAT will catch my attention.
  1. Your cover letter is your chance to send a personal message to the hiring manager BEFORE he/she takes a look at your qualifications.
  • Be sure it reflects you and your goals well. Remember that discussion we had about analyzing and picking our your strengths and what you would absolutely excel at for this company? Now is the time to make it all pay off by personalizing this letter to the hiring manager and communicating across to him/her that you ARE the person for this job, even before they take a look at your resume. Remember the advice about getting help if you’re not good at writing? This isJUST as critical to get done as a well-written resume. The less it looks like a generic template, the better the response you will get.
  1. If you want to take this a step further, get the manager’s number as well.
  • Call them up, calmly introducing who you are and that you’re calling because you personally wanted to get to know the hiring manager, a little more about the company (you DO have reasons why you want to work for them right?), and to ask them if they would like you to submit the application via the standard route or if they’re prefer you to email it to them for easier access. As a hiring manager myself, a person with less credentials who takes the initiative to get hired like this far outweighs a more qualified candidate who drowns in with the rest of the applications I have to review.
  1. If you want to take #3 a step further, instead of calling them up, get dressed up and look sharp.
  • Get your perfect resumes printed on resume paper, go in, and ask to see the hiring manager. Wait as long as you need to, insist that you must speak to him briefly. When he/she finally sees you, just introduce yourself and mention that you are here because you believe you are the perfect candidate for the job, and that you wanted to personally drop off your resume for them to review. Be sure to get their direct contact info, be ready for an instant interview, and laugh while the other 1499 candidates don’t stand a chance.
  1. If you want to take #4 a step further, find a company whose values, goals, and aspirations match yours.
  • Get the contact of the department/division you want to work for, and repeat #3, except when they meet with you, explain that you wanted to personally give them your resume to keep on file, even if they didn’t have any open positions. Explain and express your passion and desire to work for the company, and then KNOW whose name will be shortlisted next time they need ANYONE for any position resembling that

Conclusion

Be efficient with your time.

The higher quality approaches, like looking up someone’s name and number are more work. I know it is, and I also know that most Asians are too shy to go and do something so bold like that, but guess how much more return you get out of it than mass spamming out template emails?

Don’t hide behind a computer and by definition perpetrate and add to the negative Asian stereotypes.

You can spend 40 minutes researching and getting in touch with the hiring manager to SELL yourself to him and pretty much guarantee making a lasting impression on him, or you can continue to mass spam your resume out ineffectively and continue to propagate the negative stereotypes about us.

The choice is up to you.

Just remember, history has shown us that in all aspects of life –

Fortune favors the bold.

Posted in Money & Power | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

A Cautionary Tale Of Two Asian Men

Posted on July 30, 2011 by Hilt

Asian Man Dating Transformation Series: Pre-Primer

Ah, women.

The mere sight and sound of a beautiful woman is enough to stop most asian men in their tracks. You and your buddy who were having a lively and engaging conversation are both suddenly unable to remember what you were talking about and become speechless. Your heart begins to thump loudly and your breathing gets shallow. Your eyes trace every curve of her body as she walks past, and something primal deep within you screams that this is what you’ve always wanted… that if you had her, then nothing else would matter.

Then once she’s out of sight, most of us snap back to reality and dispel that silly notion that you could get a girl like that. We delude ourselves that women like that are simply “out of our league”, and that it isn’t our place to ever be happy with a girl like that.

Somewhere deep inside though, you know…

Denial

You try to fool yourself on a daily basis, because it’s simply the only way you can live with yourself.

But deep down, you know.

Every single fiber of your being knows. It’s unmistakable that every part of you wants a girl like that more than life itself when life reminds you that they exist.

And yet when you take a look around, how is it possible that most asian men are so utterly stubborn when it comes to getting help in this area of their life?

More than being financially wealthy, more than pristine health, more than anything else that seemingly matters in life: what I see over and over from Asian men in our society is that they truly believe getting that if they had a stunningly hot and beautiful girlfriend, everything would be perfect and they’d be happy in life.

There is a measure of truth in this, but then it begets the question: Why the hell are asian men so goddamn stubborn about getting help in this area of their life that would make them happiest?

Advise a Asian guy on how to perfect free-throw shooting form, he’ll study, nod, and take notes. Advise the same asian man on how to more efficiently budget, use their money, and he’ll also learn and be eager to better himself and his life quality.

Advise him on how to improve his dating life? He’ll give you that defensive look and make the utterly outrageous claim that he’s perfectly fine, and that he doesn’t need any advice in that department.

asian men

That’s funny. Last I checked, Asian men weren’t exactly the poster child of masculinity or being sexually desired by the mass media. Last I checked, we weren’t exactly being attacked in the streets by women desperate to mate with us.

But let’s not talk about the masses. Let’s talk about you. I’m serious now. Take a second and assess your dating life. Are you happy with it? Do you honestly wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re glad you’re with the hottest and best girl possible? My guess is that if you’re reading this article still, you’re not.

A Willingness To Ask For Help

As Asian men, we all aspire to be more masculine and attractive. For some reason though, getting advice from other men regarding dating and women is seen as one of the most repulsive things to do as a guy. You’ll happily get car tuning tips from your buddy but you also hear what’s left unsaid when a buddy who gets laid way more than you tries to give you dating advice.

Those words say, “If you acknowledge you could benefit from my advice, you’ll be admitting that you are repulsive to women. It means you have failed in one of life’s most important and basic tasks”

Most asian men believe that failing at attracting a woman is quite decidedly possibly one of the most un-masculine things a guy can ever do, so rather than accept reality for what it is currently and then work on improving it, they bury their heads in the sand much like an ostrich would.

Consider this your wake-up call to stop getting sucker punched by your ego and pride.

There is NO reason why you need to settle in life.

There is NO reason why you can’t get that girl that you crave with every fiber of your being.

No matter where you are right now, where you come from, what your background is, whatever handicap or challenge youthink you have, the answer is simply that persistence to change will overcome all of that.

“Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

- Calvin Coolidge

I’m going to trace a real-life example of that quote above. There are two people I want to talk to you about today named Jerry and Chris. They’re both Asian, but that’s pretty much where their similarities end.

A Tale of Two Asian Men

Jerry was born in Taipei, Taiwan. At the ripe age of two, his father died. To avoid being drafted by the Taiwanese military when him and his brother came of age, his mother fled to the US when he was 10 years old. His mother didn’t know what they were going to do here, nor did she have any jobs lined up or anything else. To make it even worse: upon arrival, they had no money and Jerry literally only knew ONE word of english: “shoe”.

Chris is a first generation American-Born-Chinese kid. He lived in a wealthy middle-upper class family where both his parents were successful surgeons. He grew up with perfect English from private schools and tutors throughout his life. From a very young age, his parents knew he was smart. He had a photographic memory and an ability to instantly grasp most advanced concepts even in elementary school.

There was one fundamental difference between these two boys that led them to drastically different lives. Jerry had learned from a very young age about having to work for everything he wanted. He learned that shame and what other people thought of him or what he was doing was irrelevant. He was made fun of ceaselessly because he couldn’t speak English when he moved here. Chris was raised with traditional Chinese values, and he was raised to keep his head down, not cause conflict, and that public perception of him and his family was most important.

In 3 years, Jerry went from remedial English classes to placing into AP English. School didn’t engage Chris that much, so he did the minimum required to get by. He still did well in school, but the process of just coasting by in life had begun.

Jerry continued and excelled in Piedmont Hills High School, working his way to become valedictorian of his class. He elected to go to Stanford to stay near his mom and help her pay the bills. Despite this, he graduated at age 21 with both his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in 4 years while working 30 hours a week.

Chris graduated from Piedmont Hills High School with a 3.0 GPA. He elected to go to community college, but then dropped out after a year because he could not longer coast through the classes without studying. He took up a part-time job at a retail clothing store to pay for his rent. The only thing he looked forward to anymore was doing cocaine regularly to dull the pain of not living up to expectations. Chris, by age 21, had cost his parents so much money that they kicked him out of the house and refused to feed his addiction and misery.

Jerry took 2 years after graduating to work on himself and build the life that he wanted. He knew his social life had always been neglected because of his life circumstances. Instead of denying it like most guys though, he knew what he wanted and didn’t even think twice about developing his social skills with women. He took advice from people who were better than him with women, and quickly mastered that aspect of his life as well. He spent some time touring the world with his newfound skills and then picked up and attracted the woman he would one day marry in Japan.

Chris had a much more passive aggressive approach to his love life. He’d try to befriend every single girl that he got introduced into, masquerading as a friend but wanting to sleep with any of them. He never could make a random move on a girl though, because he always had to be 110% sure a girl liked him before he would ever try to get with her. As a result, the few scattered girlfriends he got were the crazy and ugly girls that were desperate enough for him as well. He wound up marrying an overweight and disgusting woman who berated him constantly about how he wasn’t going anywhere in life.

2 years after meeting his future wife in Japan, Jerry started a company/website called, “Jerry’s Guide To The World Wide Web.” After realizing it wasn’t that professional a name, he changed it to “Yet another hierarchical officious oracle”. Fast forward about 15 years, some would say that Jerry and his company have done pretty well. Jerry Yang is worth $1.3 billion dollars as of March 2011. You might know the company he created better by its acronym: Yahoo, which according to Alexa is still the #4 most popular site on the internet.

 

Unfortunately, we cannot fast forward 15 years in Chris’s life. By age 27, Chris had been divorced twice and was arrested two times for criminal possession of cocaine, and on the morning of April 1, 2001; Chris Ying was found dead, having overdosed on cocaine.

The One Factor That Differentiated These Two Asian Men

How is it possible that Chris could have had such a tragic result in life with such a favorable start? How could someone who went to a country with no money and not speaking the language create one of the top 5 sites on the internet?

It all came down to Jerry learning that the only real shame in life is letting anything else dictate the quality of life you have. Chris never learned that important lesson, and so when the going got tough, he just settled into a life of mediocrity and stuck his head in the sand.

What about you? If you fast forward your own future projection of yourself when you’re old, what do you see? Are you on the path to success? Does some sort of miracle of fate dropping your dream girl into your lap have to happen in order for your dream to come true?

Stop dreaming. Start living. Read up on the articles provided here for you, and start taking control of your own life. I leave you with a famous poem by Napoleon Hill, in Think and Grow Rich.

“I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.
For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.
I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.”

It’s up to us to ask for the world from Life, so that we can be the best possible Asian men we can be.

Head over to Part 1 of our Dating Transformation Series to get started.

Posted in Dating & Sex | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

The REAL Reason Why You Need To Dress Well

Posted on September 14, 2010 by Law

You may be of the opinion that fashion, style, and dressing well are not for you, or that they just aren’t that important.

You may not enjoy fashion or aspire to look fashionable.

I totally understand.

I’m here to show you why it means more than you can possibly imagine.

You’re reading this because you want to change yourself, to be that Asian man that breaks stereotypes and gets the respect he deserves. We all want to be respected and noticed.  We don’t want to be seen as weak or asexual.  We want to be strong confident men.

In order to do that, we have to take the necessary steps to break free from these stereotypes. Even when our respective Asian cultures have taught us not to, we have to stand out from the crowd and have the confidence to show that we do indeed deserve the respect.  This is not a preference, it’s a necessity.

And by far one of the BEST ways to get started is to dress well.

Dressing well shows others you’re taking care of yourself and that you have life handled. It’s a reflection of who you are in every way, and shows how much you respect yourself.  Why else do you think that showing up to an interview for a real job in an XXXL Hawaiian shirt with cargo shorts and flip-flops would result in you being disqualified for the job right away?

Your fashion and style is the first thing people will notice about you, aside from the color of your skin.  Make no mistake: either subconsciously or consciously, everyone has an initial impression of you just by the way you look.

So what does YOUR look say about you before you even open your mouth?

Does it say that you’re another stereotypical Asian man or that you’re a confident man with his act together?

Whether on a date or an interview, your style and fashion have the ability to completely ruin and pigeonhole you before you even get a fair chance to even express yourself.

An important man always looks the part of whatever he is doing.  You would never see the president of the United States in some outfit that shows he’s inept, and there’s a good reason why.  He dresses the part to accomplish the goal of his job.  When he goes to towns to visit or campaign, he’ll dress down to connect with the people of the town to make them feel like he’s one of them.

Perfecting your look and then putting in the effort to look good gives you a ridiculous confidence boost.  When you’re dressed to the nines, you’ll also notice all the people around you noticing, and will definitely make you feel great about yourself.

This isn’t to say that confidence is only based on the best clothes or looking good.  Being comfortable with yourself, with how you look, and not caring what others think of you plays a key role, but it’s a totally different topic. However, make no mistake; having rock solid self-confidence paired with an extra confidence boost of looking great is the best of both worlds.

They compliment each other in many ways.  You dress good because you feel good.  You feel good because your appearance matches how you feel.  Dressing well is a reflection of your self confidence and who you are.

(Since the scope of this article is just covering the fashion side of things, we highly recommend you have a look over at our other sections to cover the rest, so you can properly compliment your wardrobe.)

As Asian Men, our culture is based on integration and not standing out (causing trouble) from the crowd. While we’re all very proud of our respective cultures, this mentality is also the reason society believes that we are these stereotypes.  They see this behavior as weak, shy, introverted, putting your head down, unassertive, and turning the other cheek whenever someone more dominant bullies you around.

This even translates to the way we dress. We don’t want to dress out of the norm and stand out because that would just draw attention to ourselves…..it would be better to blend in and never receive any accolades, than to step up and to show who you are as a man, exposing yourself to the chance of being ridiculed.

Unfortunately, I have very bad news for you — Not caring about how you look is not going to get you any less ridicule than taking a chance and dressing better.  If you dress fashionably, the worst you will get is that someone doesn’t agree with your tastes.  No one can deny that you put effort into your look.  The message that you are sending is still the same; that you care about yourself and your appearance reflects that.

It’s not only okay to stand out and be fashionable, it’s a necessity if you want to express your worth as a man.  This isn’t to say that superficiality and appearance are everything, they aren’t.  Being well dressed and groomed is just a piece of the puzzle.  Having only one piece of the puzzle is worthless alone, but each piece is important to solve and understand the entire puzzle.

Even someone like Steve Jobs who detested suits and always made fun of peoples’ need to wear them knew the importance of fashion.  His trademark black mock turtlenecks look like random apparel bought from Wal-Mart to the casual onlooker, but they were actually specially designed for Jobs by world-renowned Japanese designer Issey Miyake.  Jobs mentioned how much he favored the custom tailor fit and its ability to convey a signature style.

“So I asked Issey to make me some of his black turtlenecks that I liked, and he made me like a hundred of them.” -Steve Jobs (Gawker)

To illustrate just what can happen when you look your best, let me share with you a story that happened to me.

I was at a bar in Manhattan with a few friends on a Friday night having drinks and having fun. I glanced over my shoulder and noticed this brunette with long hair, curled to her shoulders. She was about 5’8” with shiny silver heels, and to top it all off: she was wearing a short black dress that hugged her soft white skin, giving her a ridiculous and sexy hour-glass shape.  She was beauty personified.

She was talking to a couple of my good friends, and I decided to go over and say hi to them.  To be honest, back then I was a bit intimidated of how hot she was, and so I spoke to everyone besides her. While I was making small talk, I noticed that this girl kept looking at me.  So I mustered up the courage to chat her up too.

I didn’t have anything clever or witty to say, I just asked her the same mundane questions you ask anyone you first meet.  For some reason though, I got the vibe from her that she was interested or at least intrigued.  I very quickly became less nervous, and although the content of the conversation was meaningless, I felt like we were really developing some sort of chemistry.

At this point, everyone scattered around to talk to others or get drinks, leaving me and her alone. I grabbed a scotch at the bar while she got a diet coke, and we took a seat on the couches. We started to chat and got to know each other.

During our conversation she mentioned numerous times how she liked my outfit and how well I dress. People have given me compliments on my style before, but THIS sexy girl complimenting my outfit gave me an ego boost.

As the conversation progressed, she kept leaning forward near my neck.  I happened to be wearing this great cologne and it was obvious that it was doing its job by giving her an excuse to come forward to smell it. Eventually, she got so close that the unthinkable happened.  All of a sudden I felt her warm lips and tongue in my mouth.  She made the first move and kissed ME!

I was so surprised and happy, and my mind was racing trying to figure out what the hell I did to make this girl kiss me.  I mean, at this point in my life: getting kissed by a girl was surprising enough… but being kissed by one of the cutest and sexy white girls I’ve ever met made me absolutely dumb-founded.

And the craziest part?  Right afterwards, I semi-joked that this would make for a great “drunken” story, but to my surprise, she hadn’t had even one drink at all that night!  I forgot that this girl was 100% sober.  She had told me earlier that she was on antibiotics so she couldn’t drink.

My curiosity was killing me, so I asked her what she saw in me that got her so attracted.  She explained that I had a happy and friendly vibe, which made me fun.  However, what she added after that stuck with me to this day.

She said that before we even talked, she had noticed me from afar.  Obviously this was not because I was good looking or tall or anything, but because I was by far the best dressed man there. While everyone else was wearing the typical, mundane button-down shirts, she noticed that I had a perfectly fitted and tailored black blazer and accessories, which spoke volumes to her. I wasn’t wearing anything extremely crazy, but it was enough to be edgy and stand out from the crowd.

After we exchanged numbers, she actually told me that it was her FIRST time that she ever kissed an Asian guy. Back then, hearing that coming out of this sexy 24 year-old vixen’s mouth gave me the biggest grin I’ve had in a long time.

Obviously, the point of this story is NOT to say superficiality, looks, and fashion is everything, but learning it will only help you out — and likely far more than you think it would.  In this case, my fashion sense gave me an advantage that made her curious and interested, saying a world about me before we ever said a word to each other.

As Asian men, it’s already hard enough to play from behind with these weak public stereotypes, so let’s stop making it even harder on ourselves.  Let’s use the tools and knowledge available to make life easier and improve our place here. Like I said, Fashion is merely one piece of the puzzle, and when it’s combined with confidence, it will make you a powerhouse in life.

Let me leave you with a question and a challenge:

If you KNEW that putting a few minutes of effort into your look would create opportunities for your career, dating, and social lifestyle…. Would you do it?

I have to believe that your answer is a resounding YES if you’re still reading.  So let me challenge you as a fellow Asian Man to continue reading and to start dressing for success.

It’s up to US to change the stereotype.

 

Head on over to The ONE X-Factor In Style And Fashion to get started.

Posted in Fashion & Style | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments